Lifes Lessons and Changes

No one ever said life was going to be easy. No one ever said you would never have to worry or struggle for the things that you want. So much has changed in my life and I'm happy to say that I am at a place right now where there isn't one day that I do not wake up and thank God for what I have in my life right now.  Since my last post there has been drastic change.  My battle with PTSD is over.  I was able to get enough courage to stop and realize there is so much more in life that I deserve.  I was told for so long that I would never amount to anything I was beginning to think that was true.  It was up to me to stand up for myself and my kids and make a drastic life changing move.  A toxic life had ended and my future had began. I proved to myself that I could do anything and that GOD would never give me too much to handle.  I became an independent person taking care of my children and today I couldn't be more proud of myself and my children and how far we have come.  It feels so good to wake up and say I did it! I wouldn't say that I did it on my own because if it wasn't for my mother and having the greatest man from above on my side I do not know how I would of done it.

Now I am a full time photographer for a family own photograph business and I absolutely love my job. I have a degree that no one will ever be able to take away from me and great friends and family by my side.  I have rekindled old friend ships and I am so thankful for those people in my life.  Camden is getting so big. He's starting to say words now and sentences and he even told me he loved me which felt amazing!!!!

 

 

 

Victoria on the other hand has been a mess. She still struggles day to day with the new arrangement of the divorce but shes getting a little better everyday. We've been dealing with some sassiness but that's my little Victoria. Shes doing great in school and it just amazes me how fast she is learning things. She is so smart. Shes growing up so fast I just don't know how to prepare myself for the years to come. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time and put faith in GOD that he will help me guide her to be the best person she can be!



My dear Reygan where do I begin. She has been such a big help to her mommy. She is such a little mommy and takes so much pride in being a big sister.  She has grown so much I am pretty sure Ill be looking up to her one day. She is doing amazing in school always at the top of her class.  I couldn't ask for a better daughter.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9

 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

 

 

Let us pray

Life has been really hard lately. I've been thrown thing and been out in positions that I don't know what to do. I never thought life would be this hard. That I would always have to Be one didn't things. That late at night I would actually pray ( not a normal thing for me) but I find myself praying that I will be shown the right path to take. I never knew living with PTSD would change my life so much. I wish I could just close my eyes and make things better and make everything go away. Part of me just wants to pick up and leave everything behind. Star a new beginning. Part of me just wants to hide. I just simply don't know what to do. I'm for the first time at a road block. I guess at this point all I have left to do is pray. Pray pray pray. What the he k it's worth a try right. No one ever said life of an army wife was easy but I never in a million years thought it would be this hard ):

LET US PRAY........

Little ones changes lives!!!

Well I think it's safe to say that our lives here in the Villalobos homes are about to change drastically! After going to labor and delivery twice with crazy contractions I have a feeling that within the next couple days well be welcoming baby Camden into our family. My next appointment is on the 7th were I'll be 39 weeks and boy has it felt like it has moving by so slow! Life has been crazy lately but I'm sure once little man gets here everything will settle down! A big thanks toy two dear friends for sleeping with their phones next to them and coming to help both times I needed to go to the hospital. Sommer and Jen are the best! Let's just hope the next time we go In it will be to stay for a few days! Keep us in your prayers for we all are nervous but excited at the same time!!!!


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PTSD- BE AWARE OF THE SIGNS

For those that are not sure what that stands for it means Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  You never hear much about this disorder but if your in the military or have any relations with the military its seems to be becoming and commonly used acronym.  Life of an army wife is hard as it is.  Dealing with the every day stress of being a army wife whether it be your husband is deploying or is deployed or whether or not your going to have enough money between paychecks is hard enough on a marriage or us as individuals.  If you add PTSD to the mix it seems to be a never ending battle every day. It's so hard waking up everyday not knowing how your significant other is going to act. You never know if they are in a good mood or a bad mood. You don't know if what you say or how you look at them is going to trigger their PTSD.  Sometimes it is so hard to not just snap back at them when they flip out on you or have an episode but you have to learn their triggers. You have to learn how to deal with the situation.  Its hard because you think to your self you did not sign up for this but really when you marry into the army one needs to educate themselves to know what might happen and what the outcomes could be.  I never imagined I would have to deal with these situations. I never asked for my husband to come back from war with these different disorders but when I said I do I knew I would have to stand by his side no matter what the outcome or what happens to him.  I have to say one important thing to do as a army wife is to become educated on the topic. Your significant other might be snapping or flipping out rather about the smallest things and it could be signs of PTSD. Become an educated wife and ask questions as well as do the research. Help yourself because at some point you may be the only one helping you. Reach out and get help look at it in a way that you can make the situation better!

A Night At the Osars

Wow what an eventful day weve had.  Woke up early to get ready for a soccer game that my husband coaches and to get ready for Victoria's soccer game and we get out the door and realize its freezing out side. Anthony did really great coaching his first game and the kids did amazing! They had so much fun. then we went to walk over to Victoria's game and it starts pouring the rain. so the game got cancelled! :( After that I had to rush home and get ready for the MEDDAC Ball for Blanchfield Army Community Hospital.  So ran to see one of my good friends so she could do my hair then rushed home and said goodbye to Victoria as she had her first sleep over at a friends house (boy was that hard for me)  so we got down the the OpryLand Hotel and all of our cards were declined while trying to pay for our room. We were like what the heck. Well I guess someone decided they wanted to hack our cards and our bank cought it and suspended our cards so after about a hour we got them to open our cards up long enough to pay and then it was off to get ready for the ball. Our room was nice so we got dressed and I had to do some last minute altering to both his and my dress.

So we got ready and headed out to start the ball. It was so nice we all stood in line listening to guest speakers and presenting of awards.  Lets just say it sucks being the sober one while everyone else is tipsy and "cant feel their teeth" lol.  The funny part was when my husband took the award from the table and stood up and acted as if he was at the Oscars lol. He said I'd like to thank God and Joe Best.  Quite Hilarious.

The other funny part was when my husband went to the room to make more drinks and realize he left his card in the room so he walked all the way to the front desk to get another key when he could of just picked up the phone on the wall haha. Me Katie and her husband Marc were sitting by our door in our nice dresses and suits and a old lady looked down the hall and said, "what is this lovers lane". lol it was so funny I guess she thought Marc was getting lucky with two girls at the same time.

 Later on I knew I was so tired from all the running around that day so towards the end and after a nice dinner minus the chicken, but the green potatoes were quite tasty lol.  I went to the room and took a small nap and that was nice.  We went to bed later that night and was ready by morning to get our little terd back. Lord did we miss her. In then end it was a good time.

Well Deserved Education

So after going to school on and off since 2005 and having several obstacles in the way I will be graduating in two weeks. I have to say I am so proud of myself. Going to school is easy but when life throws obstacles in your pathway it is so easy to just give up. there are times that I just stopped and said maybe I'm just meant to be a stay at home mom and take care of the kids, but I knew deep down that I needed way more than that in my life.  After graduating in 2005 I started on my pre-requisites for the Nursing program.  Then came along a little bundle of joy Reygan. I never stopped though I continued to work full time be a mommy full time and go to school full time. I was very busy. Then Came marriage and the army. I had to pick up and move to good ol Fort Hood Texas. While there life was crazy trying to adjust not only to married life but living the life of a military wife was a big change for me. So I tried to focus on our marriage and Reygan. Then came another blessing Victoria. After my husband deploying I moved back to North Carolina and started back taking classes towards the nursing program and got the majority of them finished. Then he came back and we moved to Fort Campbell Kentucky. Anthony deployed again and I was fixing to start nursing school at the local college and we got orders to fort hood. So I knew that the credits wouldn't transfer so I said screw it ill try to take a online program.  So I enrolled myself into the University of Phoenix with a desire in Criminal Justice.  Needless to say I have almost finished a two year degree in a little over a year. I am so proud of myself because in the same time I also had to be the wife of a wounded warrior and juggling that and school and the kids is and was not easy.  would life been easier if i didn't take so much on well of course it would have been but that is what makes me who I am today.

TORNADOS IN MY LIFE

Wow has my life been crazy over the past few months! I seriously feel as though a tornado has decided to make everything not easy at all. Well first off I would like to say My husband had his back surgery January 23rd.  We were told that was one thing that you never wanted to have operated on because you will never be the same. Well a hour after his surgery they had him walking (thank the lord because there was a risk of him being paralyzed).  He was release the next day and it has been a really big healing process since.  Of course being a soldier it was impossible for him to sit still but I guess it was for the better because he healed faster than others :).  Then there was the pain meds they had him on which were enough to kill a horse. That is always a concern with a wounded warrior. I asked myself what if he becomes addicted or dependant on these drugs. You know what if???? I can proudly say my husband never even got refills he stopped all the meds cold turkey! YAY Right!!!

We have to say we were so thankful for our inlaws taking little victoria for a little over three weeks so that we could have some healing time. Unfortunetly the who time i was SUPPOSE to take care of him he had to take care of me....this baby has had me so sick...good new is its slowly going away.  We also had a setback in the surgery. Anthony fell so that meant spending a whole day in nashville seeing doctors. We went from the xray doctor back to see his surgeon. This mean't a lot of waiting. On the funny side my husband kept passing gas in the waitin groom and people were moving away from him lol.  We walked out with a clear bill of health and the doctor said everything was looking great!

On a happy note school has been throwing me curve balls.  Its been really hard i think i have senior itis lol. I graduate on April 8th and it couldnt get here fast enough!  It sucks staying up late every night doing homework and then having to get up and go to work early in the morning. Makes for me not being a very likable person in the mornings :). I just keep telling myself not much longer. I recently found out that I will be graduating with honors so that I am pretty stoked about. All this hard work dealing with the husband being deployed getting injured me breaking my ankle taking care of kids an still walking out with honors I feel pretty proud about! Cutos to me :)

soooo........back to the hospital for Anthony's finaly consult with the doctor.  The surgeon seen him and said that he was doing well above where he should have been.  We also found out that he will not be getting the rods out of his back unless something goes wrong with them. So that mean less surgeries and faster healing time.  He does great he gets around though he is still sore and stiff sometimes it hasnt slowed him down any! Hes a champ! Things are slowly getting better. Hopefully they will slow down here soon as well!

Just a small recommendation if you have have to have any neuro or back surgeries I highly refer Dr. Spooner. He has past military history and is such a great surgeon and person :)

My friend and our bundles of joy!

Omg what can I say we found out that I was expecting a little baby V and we couldn't be more excited !!! Our boundless expected due date is july 20th 2012 :) did I say omg!

On a better note my best friend Sabrina wanted so bad to be pregnant. Her husband and her would make the best parents ever! They are always do great with my girls and their baby is going to be so lucky to have them for mommy and daddies! The funniest part is we're prego together and it's going to be so fun sharing this experiences it's someone that has been such a great friend to me! Congrats my love bug! I'm so excited!

Things Ive struggled with all my life

Ever since I was a child I have struggled with trying to be accepted. When I was younger I lived with my biological father were he looked at me as being the daughter that was going to make straight A's and graduate and go to the college so all my life with him all i ever got for presents was books. I never got any kind of special attention from my father. while my brother always got what he wanted. He got dirt bikes and a four wheeler and all this stuff while once again all I got was books. My father went through wives like people change socks its seemed like almost everyday.  Most of the time I was very jealous because I felt like he would take the time to show all these women attention but i never got the attention that I needed. I see all these girls with this great father daughter relationship and that is all I had ever wanted.  These woman always seemed to not like me and I never knew why.I guess they felt they needed to be the only lady in his life. Well with one wife something happened that I would never forget. I remember that she cooked peas one time and tacos another time. I remember seeing her try to force my sister eat the peas. and to this day I will not eat them and I am pretty sure she will not as well.  Then came the tacos and i remember her forcing them down my throat to make me eat them. Surprisingly my father took her to court not sure what came of it but that was that. Then came the next wife. Ill never forget my brother and I came home and our first chore to do was to feed the dogs. Well we did exactly that and by the time he came home the dogs had already been fed and our father flipped his crap and ended up beating us with a belt. We both ran away that night to be with our mother.  that was a struggle with custody battles and everything for a while. We finally got to our mom and were safe.  Ill also never forget our father saying he did not want anything to do with and for some reason there isnt a day that goes by that i don't think of that.  

Later on better things were to come my mom remarried and and he adopted us. At this point I became Alysa Marie Motter and my name was Lesley Jane Felker.  I got rid of the past and in with the new. I am thankful to have a new dad that calls to check on me or sends me a text every once in a while.

The other thing that I have struggled with is losing my daughter. Reygan is one of the most important things in my  life. I still struggle everyday wondering what was going through that judges mine taking a baby from its mother. One thing that I do know and it helps me sleep at night is that Reygan has a great dad that really love hers and I will never worry about how she is. She has what I wish I had had growing up.

Another thing that I have struggled with lately is my mom having breast cancer. I worry everyday how she is doing and is she working herself to death when she really just needs to sit and relax and enjoy life. Sometimes I sit and cry thinking i feel helpless like i can not do anything to make her better. It also give me anxiety what if i get it. All I can say is my mother is a very strong person and I dont know what I would do with out her. I know that one day I hope my daughters feel the same about me.

I know this is long and drawn out but I had to get it off my chest. There are things that people hold in that they can not just talk to with anyone so my computer seems to be my best companion lately.  I try to live life to the fullest and be this happy person all the time because that is the best way to hide whats inside. so heres to living every day to the fullest and never taking advantage of what you have because you never know when its going to be gone.

One TuTu Three Bowtique

One TuTu Three Bowtique

So I've been making bows for about a month now just for my baby girls to wear. Ive went to buy them bows and thought to myself and wow those are too expensive.  So my dearest friend Sabrina was over and we came up with the idea of making bows and tutus :)  I know what your gonna say everyone makes those, but guess what its something to keep us busy and gives us a chance to flash back and remember that we too are girls that just wanna have fun :). so we started out with these little bows and I have to say they are too cute 

but were challenging to learn at first.  

 After we mastered that we stepped it up and started making and designing boutique bows. 

I have to say we didnt know what the name of our business was going to be until a dear friend charles help come up with the name :) (thanks Charles). so now that we had mastered the boutique bow we went all out on the layered stacked boutique bows and now were rolling!

So if your interested feel free to check out our facebook site. 

 Now were not here to get rich and make a lot of money that is why we decided to make our bows affordable and to just have fun :) 

  http://www.facebook.com/pages/One-Tutu-Three-Bowtique/270240576346897

Trick O Treat Smell My Feet

Wow was this not a fun night, but yet so busy. The day started off on a Monday which was a crazy day to do trick o treating since how so many people had to work and then rush off to take their little goblins and ghouls and princess to get their pales full of candy. I have to say it was one of my favorites this year! the year before Victoria did not understand the concept and when people would put candy in her pale and she didn't like it she would take it back out and put it back and get what she wanted ( this was a tad bit embarrassing) .  This year she actually went up to the doors and said trick r treat. She even told them thank you after getting the candy. (I felt proud)!!! One thing i did notice she seemed scared of any zombie that she seen....hint hint do away with the zombies.  There were several people that said she was the best dressed they seen all night (i believed it not being prejudice at all ;) ) but over all it was a great night.  Of course as soon as she got home the first thing she did was dive into the candy and then pass out from all the walking.  It was a fun innocent night and shes already planning for the next Halloween lol ! I love my little Princess / fairy :))))))

 

On another note my Reygan was a sweet little Cow girl and she was so beautiful oh how I wish I was there with her to capture the memories that I am missing :*(

A Mother And Her Babies

Where would I be today without my babies? I would probably be living somewhere in my own apartment with my nursing degree that I have wanted for so long but would I choose that lifestyle over my babies? Well of course not. Its my babies that keep me going.  Every morning I wake up to hearing the wonderful sound of Victoria's voice saying, "Mommy I wub you". And no matter what else is going on at the time that makes everything better.We are all selfish when we do not have kids. We mainly think of me me me me, but when a child comes along everything changes. You can not just jump in the car and go shopping instead you load the babies up and go shopping for clothes and toys for them lol.  Everyday is different and you never know what to expect (some more interesting than others) but its fun.  I truly love being a mother. I have two of the best little girls that anyone could ask for.

Reygan is my little angel that can melt you heart by just a smile. She is so self oriented and very bright. She is very soft spoken but boy if she gets going you can not shut her up. Mine and Reygans bond is so different from what other mothers have. I hold this special place in my heart for her because I do not get to see her often.  She goes back and forth between her father and I. I had Reygan when I was 19 and lets say she was not expected but she was a present from GOD.  She changed my life tremendously. When I found out I was pregnant I hit mommy mode and knew that was what I was meant to do. She was such a good baby and has been an angel since the days that I laid eyes on her.  She is in kindergartin this year and boy am I amazed how well she has caught on. Her daddy got her in softball and she is doing so well. Mommys little protege :)

Now Victoria is my other angel and as you can see they are two totally different little girls. While Reygan is my calm collective one Victoria is my very out going baby. She is soooo funny and knows exactly what to do to get her way. Victoria is definitely a daddy's girl. She has her daddy wrapped around her finger. The one thing about Victoria that I love the most is that she is so cute and loves to wear dresses, but while wearing her dresses she playing in the mud lol. When we found out we were pregnant with Victoria everything changed. I was sooooo sick it was awful and not as easy going as Reygan's pregnancy.  boy let me tell you maw maw and paw paw fell in love at first sight when they got to meet their grand-baby   She is a joy to my life and loves her big sissy. I do not know what I would do without my babies.

I have to say the hardest job in the world is being a mommy. You are always worrying that your babies are okay no matter where you are. Your always trying to keep them happy and I would not trade being a mommy for anything. I love my angels and I can say that I myself have experienced love at for site :) Tell your mommy you love then today and thank them for everything that they have done and given up doing for you just to be your mother :)